The Actual Obstacles to Female Leadership You Haven’t Heard About Until Now

How the “Murky Middle” plagues women in STEM and what you can do to help yourself

Picture this

After a whole year of doing everything you were told to plus more, you’re about to walk into your annual performance review. You gave up most of your social life to be a “team player” and sacrificed holidays to show you were committed to your career.

Your stomach fills with butterflies as you enter the boardroom where your line manager and group director are waiting for you — probably to tell you how dedicated to your job you’ve been over the last 12 months.

Then your manager says this:

“You haven’t progressed as much as we hoped you would. So we’re moving you out of the team.”

How could I have been so stupid?

That’s exactly what happened to me. My confidence fell from 100 to zero in about two seconds. I felt stupid and so ashamed. Who was I to think I was doing a good job? I was obviously a bad engineer if such drastic moves had been made by my managers.

I truly believed I went above and beyond when it came to work, yet I was being told I hadn’t progressed enough. What gives?

I was in the Murky Middle

The Murky Middle is the name I give to that confusing mid point of your career. And if you don’t play your cards, you’ll get stuck, feel disenchanted and probably quit STEM (science, technology, engineering, maths) all together.

I’m not the only one who feels this way. After posting a video about the Murky Middle on social media, I got a bunch of messages from other women who could relate.

See, I thought I got negative feedback because I was bad at being an engineer. But with the knowledge I now have as a career coach, I know the truth: I made the mistake of being a “good girl” and doing what I was told.

Being a “good girl” works when you’re a junior

When you’re just starting out, you get given tasks and you’re told how to do them. If you follow the instructions then, hey presto! You’ve done your job and met expectations. This is how we’re taught to behave throughout our schooling lives too. We’re taught to listen, do what we’re told and not question our superiors. But no one prepares us for when the rules flip…

There’s a different rulebook when you reach the Murky Middle

At mid-level you still get treated like junior. People give you tasks and tell you what to do. But really, your managers expect you to act more like a senior. They want you to challenge others, bring your own ideas to the table and have the initiative to take action. They want you to do things because you feel they’re the right thing to do, not just because you were told to.

But this transition is hard to make when you’re in the midst of it. After being treated like a child for years, you probably don’t think you have the right to challenge senior colleagues.

How are you supposed to know when to make this drastic change to your behaviour at work? No manager will ever to teach you to go against them, so where do you learn this skill of thinking and acting strategically for yourself?

To add to those mid-career challenges…

It’s also the period of your working life when you get the least support from your workplace. Most STEM organisations provide intensive training and social programmes to entry level staff. The next time you receive the same level of support is when you become a manager. You’ll probably be offered leadership training or executive coaching. But there’s nothing in between.

And even worse for women in male dominated teams

Women in male dominated environments suffer more though. They usually don’t have access to the relatable, informal mentors that men do. Their male peers can more easily access casual chats with “older brother figures” on how to handle workplace challenges. It’s easier for them to get off-the-cuff advice without it seeming like a big deal. Women have less chances to learn how to be strategic unless they seek formal mentoring or coaching relationships.

Getting itchy feet

This is when most women in STEM reach a mid-career crisis and quit. They feel stuck at this level for so long and can’t progress. I bet if you’re a mid-career woman in STEM, you’re probably getting itchy feet and want to move jobs or careers, right?

In the US, 50% of women leave tech by age 35. And 57% women drop out of engineering by age 45 in the UK (compared with only 17% men). Women are just not appreciated for the hard yards they put in and for some reason, their male peers who seem to execute less work get all the kudos and promotion opportunities.

But it’s not all doom and gloom — here’s what you can do to help yourself

Despite the cultural and structural barriers that women face, there are things you can do to help yourself right now. (No, you don’t have to wait for decades until we reach gender equality in STEM!)

Respect your own ideas as much as you respect your superiors’ ideas

Start making suggestions. Challenge other people’s ideas. Not to be difficult or “more visible”, but to add value to your team. Remember that you have a unique viewpoint and life experience that’s different to everyone else’s. When you don’t voice them, you do your team a disservice.

This can seem intimidating at first and you might not feel you have the right to speak up. But you do. Everyone brings a different perspective to the table. In STEM, it’s more important than ever to voice your opposing opinions That’s how you come up with innovative solutions to the worlds biggest problems.

Learn basic influencing skills

If your colleagues don’t listen, it doesn’t mean you’re wrong. But it might mean that the way you’re communicating with them isn’t landing. Experiment with different ways of influencing those around you — this is a leadership skill that can be learned. Check out episodes 49 and 50 of my podcast to get started.

Even Michelle Obama confesses she wasn’t a natural born influential speaker. Look at her now!

Do less work

Stop being a workhorse and accepting all the tasks given to you. Demonstrate you have control over your workload. If you’re overloaded, show your manager how you plan to prioritise it all. If low priority tasks can’t be finished during work hours, make it clear that’s the case. Suggest ways it could be completed. Can it be delegated? Can it be combined with another task? Can you push the deadline back? Does it even need to be done?

This shows you’re a strategic thinker and is much more impressive than turning up to work looking frazzled everyday. Contrary to what you believe, no one cares enough to know how much work you’ve got except you. So if you keep missing deadlines or have to work more hours than everyone else, you’re sending out a signal that you’re slow and incapable of dealing with stress. (Not a signal that you’re a team player and dedicated to your career — like I mistakenly thought!)

Be strategic

Strategic thinking is skill that all good leaders have and the good news is, it can be learned! Allowing yourself to have a healthy workload means you have the time and space to develop this skill. That’s almost impossible to achieve for women who get caught up in the cycle of their never ending to do lists.

I won’t go into too much detail on how to develop strategic thinking skills as I have a free web class on it here.

What I want you to take away

While I acknowledge that women and minorities have it harder when it comes to climbing the leadership ladder, there are ways to get there despite the challenges. Don’t wait for external forces to make gender equality happen. Figure out what’s in your control so you can help yourself in your own career journey.

Train yourself to gain the courage to speak your mind. Learn basic influencing skills to get your ideas listened to. Allow yourself the time to develop strategic thinking. These are all things within your control that will get you past the Murky Middle and into leadership.

What to do next

If you’re feeling overwhelmed about how to handle your challenging role, speaking to a coach might be the best thing you can do for your career (and sanity). I offer free discovery calls to help women in STEM who feel lost, stressed and at a crossroads in their careers. Apply for a discovery call now.